When your self-limiting beliefs or feelings of inadequacy prevent you from working at your best, something inside has to change.
Even though she runs a seven-figure business, has adopted and fostered kids, has a strong, healthy marriage, speaks all over the world to thousands of people, helps entrepreneurs reach their goals along with heaps more, she still feels that she isn't quite good enough.
I think many of us can relate.
We work hard, do our best, achieve things that others could never even fathom- yet we still don't feel like we're hitting the mark. Therefore, we end up flatlining within our own self-limiting beliefs.
Luckily, Trivinia shared some of her own experiences on how she regularly overcomes the negative internal monologue and keeps things in motion.
Accept and Honour Your Successes
Feeling squeamish about your successes isn't uncommon. Many of us have grown up with the understanding that if you voice your accomplishments, then you're boastful.
Trivinia is no stranger to such a notion and still struggles with it today.
When you look at Trivinia, she is the epitome of how hard work can create success.
But, even though most of us would break out the confetti and party streamers in celebration for her wins, others are far from enthusiastic.
Within all of this success, she has experienced the cold sting of the phrase, “That must be nice.”
“Any time I would accomplish something or do something- I would win an award, I'd be the captain of the swim team, I'd start a business, buy a house, whatever it was,” she says, “I'd hear from certain people in my family, “Must be nice.”
“I know it must have been a sense of jealousy” she goes on to explain, “but what I realised from that saying is that I stopped sharing part of me because I didn't want to make people feel smaller or less than.”
The director of the Happiness Project and Success Intelligence, Ben Renshaw says that “On average by the age of eighteen we will have been praised and encouraged 30,000 times – and most of this . . . by the time we are three.” There comes a time when we stop celebrating, and that has to change.
Turn the “That must be nice” phrase around in your head and make it a positive statement rather than an adverse judgement. “Yes, it is nice that I bought a house, yes it is nice that I hit seven figures, yes it is nice that I took that opportunity to better myself.”
Accept your success because you are awesome. Now you have to believe it and celebrate, even if it’s just you popping the champagne.
Collect Positive Affirmations
We've all seen those Instagram quotes floating around. You know the ones, with the sunset in the background with some inspirational quote layered over the top.
While it may make some people's skin crawl, statistics show that having a cache of positive personal affirmations can help you realign your self-perspective.
“I never thought I was a words of affirmation person,” says Trivinia.
But now, “I have a folder on my computer that's literally called ‘For when I feel like shit.' And I screenshot things that people say to me or about me.”
These can be anything, from pictures of handwritten Post-It notes from her kids to a client's positive feedback about how much she has helped them in their entrepreneurial journey.
“It tends to be nothing about money or how many likes I got on Instagram or how many courses we sold,” she explains. “It's just more about relationships that I've built and how I've been able to use my time or my resources or whatever it was to make an impact somewhere else.”
These small snippets can act as a reminder of what you have achieved and accomplished as well as the impact you may have made- just in case you forget.
So, what will you put in your folder?
Embrace Your Self-worth
The phrase, “Self-care” is something that gets thrown around a lot, especially within entrepreneurial circles. While it's usually on everyone's to-do list, not all of us achieve it in a meaningful way.
“I'm envious of those men and women that can consistently care about themselves,” Trivinia laments. For her, it's not easy putting herself first, with the lingering question of, “Do I think I'm worth it, like on the inside?” hangs over her head.
On the outside, many of us are quick to say, “Oh, sure. I know my value, and I believe I'm worth it.” But the reality is, when it comes down to the core, a lot of us struggle with our sense of self-worth and value.
You must give yourself time and space. If you're trying to reach a personal goal, ensure you block out some time for it, regardless of what else is occurring.
You have to take care of you. You have to value you. You owe it to yourself.
We can all feel like sh*t from time to time. Just like the phases of the moon, we can morph into our negative self-reflection. Some people will join us in celebration of our successes; others won't. No matter what others say, you need to acknowledge and value your self-worth AND your success.
The Psychology of Entrepreneurship
For more insight into reducing your self-limiting beliefs check out Volume 35 of the Psychology of Entrepreneurship podcast hosted by Ronsley Vaz with special guest Trivinia Barber.
Author: Ronsley Vaz
Ronsley is the founder & chief day dreamer at AMPLIFY. He is an author, speaker & serial entrepreneur.
He has a Masters’ degree in Software Engineering and an MBA in Psychology and Leadership. He is known as the creator of We Are Podcast – the first Podcasting Conference in the Southern Hemisphere, and the host of The Bond Appetit Podcast and Should I Start a Podcast. He has an audience of over 3 million in 133 countries.