One of the most common questions I get asked by my clients is, ‘how do I get over someone I really loved after a breakup?’ There are so many stages you go through when dealing with your relationship breakup, and these stages must be dealt with and worked through if you want to get over someone you loved.
Also the time it takes to get over your breakup varies from person to person. There is no time limit in which you have to be over someone, and there can be many ways you can get over your ex-partner. There are the healthy ways and then there are the unhealthy ways which do nothing to help you deal with your situation.
Holding on to an old relationship isn’t the healthiest of habits. It can be so easy to stay stuck in your negative way of thinking. Remaining angry and upset keeps you in a negative place of helplessness. It takes away your power to get over your breakup.
Locking yourself inside your home or apartment, binge eating on unhealthy options and watching hopelessly romantic movies that give you a false sense of hope or leave you in a continuous stage of sadness isn’t going to help you to move forward.
Ignoring your feelings only increases the risk of having them explode later on in an inappropriate time. So don’t be afraid to let all your emotions out. This can be done in a number of ways.
You can start to journal them, getting them out of your head and onto a piece of paper. It’s a very private way to release and vent all your bottled-up feelings, confess things that you may not feel comfortable telling anyone else.
It can also help to clarify your thoughts and give your troubled mind an outlet. It’s better to write your concerns and feelings down than to ring your ex-partner and leave an angry voice message or send a text that you will later regret and can’t take back.
Let Those Tears Fall
Crying is another useful way to let go of all the emotions you are experiencing and feeling. It somehow removes the toxins built up by the stress of your breakup. Crying is cathartic and helps you to feel better. Have you noticed that when you cry it feels like a release of tension and helps you to mourn the end of your relationship?
Talk it Out
Surround yourself with supportive and non-judgmental people whom you feel comfortable talking over your problems with. The feeling of loneliness often happens when you breakup with your partner, there seems to be a big hole left in your life. Spending time with your friends, the people that love and support you, the people that want the best for you can lessen the feelings of loneliness.
It’s very hard to get over someone you loved and still remain friends Sometimes, deleting them from all your social media platforms in order to fully move on is the way to go. This includes Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, Pinterest, etc. It will not help you to recover when you see them out and about having fun, socialising with friends that you used to have in your life.
So having no communication with your ex-partner if possible is another way for you to get over them. This means no emailing, calling them up on the phone, bumping into them at their usual places they visit, etc. The restriction on communication especially includes any texting when you have had a few to drink. I don’t want you to have any emotionally charged conversations that you will regret later on.
Limiting exposure on all levels to your now ex-partner can sometimes help to limit the pain. Getting over someone requires enough distance and space in-between the two of you so that you can allow yourself to direct your mind to other things. ‘Out of sight’ doesn’t necessarily mean ‘out of mind’, but putting intentional space between you and them can certainly make getting over your ex-partner easier.
Throw out any reminders of your ex-partner you still have at your place. This could be clothes in your wardrobe; CDs or DVDs; their toothbrush in the bathroom; the special food they liked in the fridge; photos of you two together; letters, text messages or emails from them. Get rid of all the lingering or constant reminders, all the memories that trigger the thoughts of a relationship that once was.
The Future IS Bright
It might be hard to imagine this right now, but there will come a day when you will come out from the darkness of your breakup and emerge into the light. You will start to enjoy life again, you will have a smile on your face and laughter will enter your life once more.
It will possibly be a gradual process, where each day you will start to forget the pain you are feeling, the pain will not take up as much time in your day. While it is rarely easy, it is possible to move forward with your life after your breakup and to get over the person you once loved.
Listen to Barbara’s episode on getting over someone you’ve loved on the Breakup Recovery Podcast.
Link to MP3
Author: Ronsley Vaz
Ronsley is the founder & chief day dreamer at AMPLIFY. He is an author, speaker & serial entrepreneur.
He has a Masters’ degree in Software Engineering and an MBA in Psychology and Leadership. He is known as the creator of We Are Podcast – the first Podcasting Conference in the Southern Hemisphere, and the host of The Bond Appetit Podcast and Should I Start a Podcast. He has an audience of over 3 million in 133 countries.
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